What's your excuse?

Okay, so Yankee Swap invites came out this year a little bit late. Normally we try to have them out by Labor Day so that everyone can do some effective scheduling and be sure to keep Yankee Swap weekend open, not just for the swap itself but the crippling hangover that accompanies the mix of holiday punch, wine, cheap beer and ice luging god knows what. But for some reason, the rate of people RSVP’ing in the affirmative has been a little slow.

As of right now on the RSVP list, the farthest people are traveling from is the Mountain time zone, but I’m sure some west coasters will have RSVP’d by the time the tree goes up on December 1. So don’t say it’s too hard for you to drive from Connecticut or New Hampshire. Grabbing a cab from Charlestown? That will cost less than the amazing present you’ll receive at the party. Pretty much, if you’re on the east coast, the only acceptable reasons for missing the swap are being on the donor list for a vital organ (kidneys don’t count) or an unforeseen death in the family. Lock in your transportation now while fares are cheapest.

Some people will argue that they have another holiday party to attend? Really, you’d rank something above the swap? What are the options, a work party? A family party? Going to holiday parties is all about getting drunk and making bad decisions, are the best place for that to happen is Perry St. Not only are there massive quantities of booze with incredibly efficient methods of imbibing (ice luge races?), but it’s the only place where making decisions that co-workers would deem “destructive” is not only acceptable but encouraged. Sloppily making out in the corner with some hottie you just met at the work party = being the subject of office gossip and watercooler talk until at least April. Sloppily making out at the Yankee Swap with a random hottie = welcome to Perry St.

Do yourself a favor. When invites for all those other holiday parties come out, just remember who reached out to you first and asked you to share a magical evening with us? I mean honestly, what sort of excuse could you have for not coming?